Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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