Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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