Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
