I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
