can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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