It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
