The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
