Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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