I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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