The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
