If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize