I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Who wears a wallet chain?!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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