sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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