I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
