dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
