YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
sex in a hospital.. check
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
