1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
