Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
