oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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