There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
