everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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