pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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