I am full of burrito and curiosity
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
