she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
