new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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