She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
