Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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