i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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