ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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