Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
