Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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