i permit you to call me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
