I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
