First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
