Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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