I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
