I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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