Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
