Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
