I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
