Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
