Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
