Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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