I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
