I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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