I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
