Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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