So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
