My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
