Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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