How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
