I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm too high and old for this...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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