You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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