It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
