I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
