So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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