Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
