May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
