Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
