all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
