Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
