No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
