BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ladies don't puke and tell
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
