Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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