Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
