who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize