I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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