Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
