look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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