I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize