dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
