So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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