Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
