i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
