Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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