So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
