do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
