she's into porn, im staying here tonight
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
