Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
