His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
