I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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