I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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