I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
