You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
