Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
