There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
